Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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