if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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