Sponge bath it is.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
