you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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