I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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