I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just had sex on a roof
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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