areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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