I showed him my bush... on skype.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
