i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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