Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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