May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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