i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
