I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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