saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
ttyl tear gas
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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