Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
