4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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