your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
