Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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