I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I had to cum in my sink.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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