You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
