So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
