he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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