Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
