We're facebook friends in real life
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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