Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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