so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
