can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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