i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
