Why are handjobs necessary in class?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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