are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
