she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
