normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my being single is dangerous.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
