I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize