First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
