They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
