I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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