dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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