his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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