So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
