I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
