For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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