Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
