The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
