She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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