I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
