drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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