two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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