i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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