3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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