You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
