I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
