It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
