o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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