she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
