she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
