omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
