Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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