my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
