I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He did a backflip because drugs
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
