we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
