so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What changed your mind?
Being sober
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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