Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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