oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she peed on how many people?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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