saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
