i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
