Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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