dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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